The second day, May 5th: Post your favorite excerpt (300-350 words)
It'a hard trying to put info into such a small excerpt so I just went with my gut and posted the beginning. We learn along the way (through out the WIP) what their ages are and their interests and what makes them strong and weak. If you would like to know the ages just ask in the comments I will be more then happy to share.
Hope you enjoy!
“Gabe, she’s getting heavy. Can you take her for a while?” Alexis has been carrying Lani since we passed on staying in house with the creeper.
It was too risky. He, well what appeared to be a man, wouldn’t have been my first kill but I didn’t have the strength to trap another sickling. I’m too tired myself and don’t have the energy to stand let alone kill.
“Why can’t we stop? My feet hurt.” Kylar whined.
“Yeah, I’ll take her,” I held out my arms, “and we can’t stop Kylar. It’s too dangerous. There’s a house up ahead. We’ll check it out.”
“I wish mom was here.” Alexis declared.
“Mommy?” Lani asked in her sweetest whisper.
“Alex! Sometimes I swear you’re dumber than a box of rocks.” Great, now I’m starting to sound like Mom and Dad. They always said Alexis was the smartest out of all of us cause she knew how to play dumb. But I don’t think she’s playing. “Sorry.” I hate telling her I’m sorry.
“It’s ok. I keep forgetting Lani doesn’t understand.”
“I don’t understand.” Kylar admitted.
“None of us do.” It was the truth. The only thing I remember from the other night is mom waking me up in a fuss and cramming us into the attic. Alexis was dazed and asking her usual twenty questions when mom shoved Lani into her arms, Kylar was following us like an obedient calf lead by his mother, and I was told to get the radio and the emergency kit. Emergency kit. Boy did I have a rude awakening. Literally.
Two days had passed being trapped in that forsaken hideaway and the only food we had were chocolate bars and they only lasted the first day. Dad never made it home from work and when mom lowered the ladder to check if the coast was clear, she immediately drew it closed. We were trapped. The house was swarming with creepers which are better than the runners. They’re the worst.
“Doggie!” Lani squealed.“RUN!”
This is a strong beginning, it made me want to know more!ReplyDelete
Good start, right in with the action. But how did they get out of the house with all the creepers swarming?ReplyDelete
Love the lingo. Sounds like you've created a fabulous world! :DReplyDelete
Ooo, definitely creepy! This is a good start!ReplyDelete
This is great. I think you've really captured the feeling of youth in this. The ending really made me want to find out what happens next!ReplyDelete
Awesome beginning for your story. Good job!ReplyDelete
Nice excerpt! Definitely sets up something exciting!ReplyDelete
Definitely creepy. :)ReplyDelete
What an exciting opening. Really catches the attention.ReplyDelete
Oh, awesome! Love the tension and the cliffhanger you left us with.ReplyDelete
Oh, my ... I want more! What's happening?!ReplyDelete
Great beginning, but now I want the rest! lol
Great way to start a ms, leaving me with so many questions. I feel for them and how tired and emotionally drained they are. And what a way to end an excerpt!ReplyDelete
I like the dialogue. It feels real.ReplyDelete
OO...nice cliffhanger. Great job.ReplyDelete
What a tense way to start your story!ReplyDelete
I love how the voices come across, and the situation being set up. It makes me want to know more.ReplyDelete
ah! what happens next?!ReplyDelete
Super creepy. I want to read more.ReplyDelete
I'm on the edge of my seat! :)ReplyDelete
So exciting! They sound young, like no one over 15. Am I close? :)ReplyDelete
Oh wow! So many comments! Thanks guys! Yuu are so wonderful and I appreciate all the sweet things you say.ReplyDelete
No kid is over the age of 13 and it gets darker and creepier from here.
Thanks again to all of you!