Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Whatever Wednesday - Death and Being OK

Today my brother would be 32. Ten years ago I lost him in a car accident. Tonight after work I am going to take the kids and "visit" with him. Even though I know he is everywhere, I should still pay my respects and go to the plot. In the last 10 years I have only been there twice.

LOVED working out
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

No need to feel sorry, I am very comfortable about the situation and have come to terms with it all. Tony and I were best friends and were very close. I have no regrets in the 22 years we had together. And I'd like to think we still are close.

With whatever it is you believe (I accept ALL forms of religion) I believe that he comes around time to time. From what I've experienced to what his friends and my own have experienced, Tony loves to visit in dreams. He never talks - he's just... there and present.
He was ornery

One dream was nothing but him and I sitting in beanbag chairs playing Nintendo. The ORIGINAL Nintendo. He smiled and held my hand. It was so peaceful and perfect.

I follow a few Death blogs to hear and witness what others are going through or have experienced and I read the following article today. So interesting...

The Death Writer: Working with Death Wednesday: Photographer

Mom's prized rose bushes
 Have ever experienced a presence before? If so, who or what was it?


  1. *hugs* It's so hard to lose someone, even more so when they are so young. I love that you feel he is close to you. It sort of makes it a little easier to cope with. <3

    1. Aww thanks Kyra! I can always count on you!

  2. Hi Danielle:
    First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I was talking with someone yesterday about whether we can truly prepare for death, as in when someone is terminally ill or is it easier for them to just die unexpectedly. We didn't come to a conclusion, but it was an interesting conversation. I love that your brother comes to visit you in your dreams.
    Thank you for the link to my blog. It's probably one of my most "shocking" interviews in that I don't think a lot of people know about this service.
    Also, you say you follow a couple of death blogs. Can you tell me what they are. I need to connect with these people!

    1. They don't blog all that much but I will do my research for you.

      I have often wondered that. I had experienced both. My grandmother was ill and in the hospital for weeks. And then my brother was sudden. I don't like either but would say that my g'ma's death was easier to handle than my brothers.

      You blog is amazing. Keep up the great work!

  3. Tony's your angel. <3 He was such a beautiful person inside and out.
    You're in my thoughts. xo

    1. Thanks Jax! He loved you a lot and thought highly of you.

  4. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm glad you feel his presence. *hugs*

    I haven't had any loved ones pass yet, but other people have told me that they feel the presence of theirs.

    1. Thanks Medeia! His presence is always welcomed.

  5. I like to think that all of the people I've lost (mostly grandparents) are still around me, watching over me and my family.

    1. I know. It's wonderful feeling to think they are around keeping an out of for us. I'm sure your g'parents are with you always.

  6. I lost 3 of my grandparents in my early-mid teens. I only knew my maternal grandmother and she was the first to go. I didn't cry at her funeral because I felt she was at peace. But I still miss her though, especially when I see older people now who still have grandparents. But like you said you come to terms with it. I'm glad you're ok and while I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you still go on with your life.

    1. Going on is the only way to cope. I have 4 kids that I HAVE to be here for and nothing will change that.

      Thanks Sheena! You are very sweet!

  7. I lost both my parents by the time I was 30. My mom when I was 11. They visit me in my dreams all the time, and while I've never experienced an explicit presence, I believe in the inter-connectedness of all things.

    And I understand your acceptance, but I'm still sorry for your loss.

  8. I lost one of my best friends when she was 19. I've never felt her visit me, but sometimes I talk to her. Her birthday is coming up in the beginning of July and I always like to remember her on that day rather than the day she died. Maybe one day she'll come to me as your bother came to you.

    I like what you said about not regretting any of your 22 years with your brother. I'm going to try and remember that the next time I'm feeling angry about her death. Thank you for that.

  9. I lost my best friend when I was a sophomore in college and he was my grandfather.I was his little helper around the farm. He made me the man that I am today. I think about him quite a bit. I do feel that he is with me "guiding me" through the tough times in life. He was the closest person that I have lost in my life.

  10. I can't understand your loss, but I very much admire your strength and ability to create a sense of peace after your brother's death.

    Thanks for sharing the personal pics, and if you don't mind, I'll say a little prayer that one day you and Tony will meet to wrestle and tease one another again.

  11. Danielle, the line "Do not stand at my grave and weep" really hits me home. Thanks for sharing. Sorry for your loss.


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