This isn’t like my usual sarcastic, humorous, or apocalyptic posts. Today’s post is real and an excerpt from my life – well my son’s life.
My son – not like the “norm” of boys his age – and he knows it. He's not into sports - at all. He like computers, books, game systems, etc.
Let me give you a little backstory here.
Just turning nineteen I moved out, became pregnant, and married the man because his father was a preacher and strongly suggested that having a baby out of wedlock was wrong. My parents, not liking my-babies-daddy, reluctantly agreed. Dad, being old fashioned, said something like “You need to make an honest woman out of my daughter.” *rolling eye* So we got married January of 1998, had my son the following June. 19 months later we had my daughter. And then 9 months after that we filed for divorce. Nothing special with that really, I mean, it’s common now. But when my ex’s new wife had their daughter 9 months later, he stopped seeing my kids. This crushed my 2 year old son. My daughter was still too young to really understand.
My brother who was two years younger than me, and my best friend, moved in with us, becoming the leading male role to my kids. My son idolized him. They hung out together and became best friends. In this time frame I began dating a man that I previously dated in high school. And again, found myself pregnant. We dated on and off but eventually ended it months after my brother died in a car accident. He was 22. Again, crushing my then, 4 year old son, my daughter, 2, and my new son, 5 months.
I thought my divorce was painful. Ha! Losing my brother was like ripping my heart out of my chest. And every new day is blessing but at the same time, the realization sits in and my heart gets wrenched all over again.
In 2004 I met my wonderful husband at a bar of all places and we hit it off and have been together ever since. He picked up this humpty dumpty’s pieces and put me back together again. He loves my kids like they are his own and we have a little girl of our own.
However, today, my 13 year old is struggling with life. Not with school, not with friends, but with the overwhelming power life can throw at you. He has always been an anxious kid. Always awkward. Being called names like faggot, queer, gay, loser, homo, nerd, geek, fatty, bible thumper, etc. Some of these names are nothing compared to the others. Is my son any of these? No. And trust me, I’ve asked. I’m not a parent that beats around the bush when it comes to my kids. I come right out and say what needs to be said. And, no, I’m not homophobic or a bible thumper. I will love my kids just the way God made them. But I have asked: “Are you gay?” “Do you think about drugs?” “Do you need to talk to someone besides me?” His answer: “Nope.” In return he has asks: “What’s a BJ?” “Why do woman have periods?” “Why don’t we go to church?” and other grown-up topics. Yes my stomach hits the floor but I answer honestly. (Side note: I believe in God. I just don’t believe someone preaching to me makes me a better Christian.)
I thought everything was right in the world until my 13 year old came to me this weekend and said “Mom I think I need help.”
My heart stopped.
I asked why and he proceeded to tell me that he worries all the time. While sitting in school he thinks about me getting into an accident or when he wakes up he panics, thinking I’m not there. After listening to him, I realized that talking to someone would help. It’s not just a little anxiety, it’s now starting to control his life. His first session is next week.
Then we were watching Glee last night. Out of all the shows… Glee? It was about someone trying to commit suicide. I was downstairs in the living room, my son upstairs in his room. From the bottom of the steps I call to my son. We walks over to the steep and says “No mom. It’s not that bad. I would never do anything that would have me spend eternity in hell. I would never see you guys again.” Again my heart stopped for two reasons. One - he knew what I was going to ask before I asked it. And two – he’s thought about it, however, came out on top.
My questions to you… how would you handle this situation? Would you have done anything different? Has this happened to you or your child?
Please be open and honest. No comment is right or wrong. Everyone has right to their own opinion.